grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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