1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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