Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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