In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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