I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
