Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize