It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
