$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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