? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
