So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
