Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
