i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
