I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
