there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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