I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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