you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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