somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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