So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
