I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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