im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My dick has a subreddit
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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