Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How does it feel to date your dad?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
