think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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