my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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