i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize