Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
