Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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