You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
