When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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