Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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