I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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