I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
my liver is dry heaving
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