My nipple is on Facebook.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
