she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
