After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
