do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
