yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
