you win again, gameday.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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