Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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