Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
