Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
