Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
