My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize