It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
