i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
