yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
