tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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