AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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