OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
