taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize