he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Drake has all the answers
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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