in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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