I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
