Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
