i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
