I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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