I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
