his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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