I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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