I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
