Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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