I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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