Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize