You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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