My underwear smells like fireworks.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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