I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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