he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
