two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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