Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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