Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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