Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
