apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
