Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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