Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
