you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
