either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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