Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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