I wannas sexs uuuuu
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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