Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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