what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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