The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize