escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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