I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize