don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize