I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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