i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
