when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
