i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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