Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
