Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
