so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
