if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize