It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
