Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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