I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
