She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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