You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
