To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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