Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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