Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
