He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
