I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I think my moral compass just broke
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
