Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
