I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
