Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
