Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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