im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
