i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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