We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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