I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
