God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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