Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
