Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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