there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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