its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
