I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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