also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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