lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
